The Feeling of Not Fitting In

There are some universal feelings among all of us humans.  One of them is the feeling of “not fitting in” or being “an outcast”.  This feeling can arise due to gender, sexual preference, skin color, religious orientation, type of phone purchased (Apple or Android), etc.  This fear can affect people of all ages and does not depend on whether or not you care about what others think of you. The list of triggers is endless and can affect any of us at any place and time.  Everyone I canvassed admitted to feeing like an outsider at some point in time!

Belonging is defined as, “a unique and subjective experience that relates to a yearning for connection with others, the need for positive regard and the desire for interpersonal connection” (Carl Rogers, 1951).  This sense of belonging provides a feeling of security and support through the sense of acceptance, inclusion, and identity.  The sense of wanting to belong is evolutionary and helped the survival of our species. 

I was fortunate to have Ross Hill, MFT, as a guest; Ross freely admits that he frequently feels like “an other”. This lack of belonging arises socially, educationally, financially, and sometimes due to gender. He is constantly alert to environmental clues about what is expected, unacceptable, and how others perceive him.  The whole experience can be both exhausting and demoralizing. 

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